Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
