Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
