I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
sarcasm needs its own font
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
