dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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