Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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