Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
