Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
