somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I want you more than these girls want KFC
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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