SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
