Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
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