why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just pee around me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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