If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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