I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i think i have herpe
just one?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
