**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
