I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
