i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
