u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
