epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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