I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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