the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
