Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
being pregnant is like rehab
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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