I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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