what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
