We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
