I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
