Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
