And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
