Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
