You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Screwed.edu
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
