Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
