this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
