the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
