Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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