It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
