remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
