it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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