There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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