Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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