Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
