I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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