he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
