I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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