he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
