Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
