I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
