when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
