Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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