the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
