we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
