We won't sleep together?
That's intense
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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